It's been a while since I have greeted you all properly, so I thought that in the spirit of 'summery thinking', I will say a little hi-dee-hi. And I have to say, what fabulous weather we are having. Oh dear, I hear you say, she's talking about the weather. Well, I won't deny it: yes I am. I am, my mother's daughter through and through. Although, as you can imagine, the weather gets talked about a lot in our household, what with Dad being a pilot and all.
Anyway, sticking with the weather for just a moment more, I thought that I'd keep this blog short, sweet and to the point. After all, who wants to be sat at a computer on a day like today when it's so fabulously sunny outside in April? (Please don't say I've tempted fate... I'm adding a disclaimer (to be sure)... A-hem. I- Mildred Annabel McManus, would like to certify that just because I pointed out that we are having an unusually Mediterranean (usually) rainy month, I cannot be responsible for any unforeseen changes in the weather direction- i.e., rain. It's not my fault!).
So, I have a few things that I thought I'd share with you today, and then I shall bid you farewell.
It seems to me, that Sunday should be renamed as 'Good-deed-day'- GOODAY for short, because I have done yet another good deed today. Last week, I took Gma to Church. This week I did not. The embarrassment factor was too high, what with my abysmal date with Raymond still lingering, not to mention my tangerine tint. Urgh, when will it go away? I am in quarantine. Well, self-induced quarantine at least. Mum tried to help me cover it up, but I don't see how it's possible to disguise an orange face. Scratch that, I know it's not possible to disguise an orange face. We just ended up going through the colour spectrum until I was bordering on Oompah-Loompah territory. Understandably, that was the moment I confined myself to the house. (I dared not risk enjoying this sunshine too much, in case- horror of all horrors, I get a tan and that brings out the fake one even more...).
So with that in mind, I definitely did not take her to Church- look how that good deed turned out: it back-fired gloriously. When will I learn? Perhaps, good deeds are over-rated. But I took my chances and performed one today. Luckily, there was no man to impress (unless of course you are talking about men of the canine variety).
Mum and Dad were desperate for me to get out of the house. You know, keep my spirits up (and all that stuff), as by this point, I'd already done the deed and begun to explore the dangerous territory of self-pitying. Not good. You've guessed it... I'd cracked open the chick-flick DVD's in the hope that I might be able to live one of those lives and meet a man who whisks me off my feet, gives me butterflies, and then be done with it. Hollywood makes it look so easy, but what do they know? I mean, it's highly unlikely that I'm going to fall head over heels with my best friend after about a million years. Although, it is highly likely that at some point, I will literally, fall head over heels.
... where was I? Oh yes, I was going to disclose my good deed: today, I took our next door neighbour's dog- Mowbray, for a very long walk. You see, Marjorie and Alan are getting on a bit in years, so I thought I'd give Mo the chance to stretch his legs. It was also the excuse I'd been looking for to get out of the house. Plus, both Marjorie and Alan wear glasses, so neither one of them has 20/20 vision which was excellent for me. It meant that they didn't even notice the tropical shade of my skin. In fact, they said how much I 'glowed with the sun' and how healthy I looked, so not a total disaster after all on the fake tan front.
Anyway, I took Mowbray for a nice long walk. (Well, I say it was nice: it was a double dumper walk). Number two's aside, it was rather lovely. The only people I saw out and about were fellow dog walkers- none of whom commented on my citrus tinge, because they were too distracted by Mo's peculiar bark.
After a bit, I let Mo off his lead and then he went and did the obligatory territorial number one's in the middle of a bed of over flowering daffodils. A fellow dog owner gave me a look of disgust, as I feigned interest in an unusual marking on the tree I was leaning on and muttered loud enough to be heard- 'don't look at me, he's not even my dog'. Then, they did a very loud 'tut' and glared at me as their poodle trotted alongside them looking all proud and important and well behaved. Honestly, there was nothing I could do. Up against that poodle, Mowbray didn't stand a chance. After territorialising, Mo approached this jet black poodle called Dave (seriously? Yes). They had a bit of dog-frontation, but before anything could happen, Mo came scarpering back to me with his tail between his legs as this little poodle barked him away. I have to say, that was a classic display of short-dog syndrome. But truly there's no way a poodle named Dave could have messed with a dog who's real name is Melton Mowbray (seriously? Yes)- named after Marjorie and Alan's beloved pork pies.
Anyway, the rest of the walk passed without incident and when I returned Mr Mowbray
So, it just goes to show, it's easier to impress canine men than it is human men.
But, my final pieces of advice to you before I sign off are:
- If you are nervous about the colour of your fake tan, find an elderly neighbour (preferably one you know), and ask them what they think. If their sight's had better days, then the compliments will rain down on you and you'll leave feeling totally superb.
- Avoid the old chickus-flickus at all times. They are designed to make you feel worse, not better.
- Best not to let your dog pee on flowers unless they are in the comforts of their own back garden.
Bye!
P.S. Honestly, I had every intention of writing a short blog, but you know...
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