Friday, 25 March 2011

Have I gone cuckoo? At what point did I think it might be a good idea to empty my handbag? PART 1

Hello again!

I recently came to the conclusion that I needed to empty my current handbag. At the moment I am sporting the fabulous model that you see in the picture. It consists of three compartments- all too full to perform their maximum functionality.

  
Now, you see, I had to forage for about 3 and a half minutes, just to find a hair clip (but turns out it was no longer in the bag after all. That's 3 and a half minutes of my life I'll never see again. Wasted: gone. Thank you over filled bag).

So, I came to the magnanimous decision to EMPTY said bag- it was getting embarrassing (not to mention heavy)... too many times (to be acceptable) I have handed over an old receipt instead of a note due to my bulging (surprisingly cash-free) purse.

Anyway, I thought it might be interesting to see EXACTLY what was in my bag, and in turn, discover what I actually use. (As it turns out, I don't use very much at all). But anyhow, I thought that you might find it interesting and surprisingly insightful, but please don't think that because I have loads of unnecessary produce (or what my Dad would probably otherwise describe as rubbish), that that means I might be deemed as a bit scatty (though you may already think that), because I like to think that I am a very together, organised young woman. So, here goes:

COMPARTMENT ONE
  • A pencil case with a broken zip. Contains a used bus ticket (reason unknown), a highlighter pen (thankfully still in working order), a multipurpose pen that has four different coloured inks in it, a mechanical pencil, a red Biro, a ruler with holes in it (bought like that, not caused by me) and lots of skinny post-it notes that have all come unstuck. Proceed to empty broken pencil case. Put stationary into pen pot and discard of the rest.
  • A deodorant spray- convenient for when I stay (or rather, stayed) at the (ex-)boyfriend's. Sometimes he used to borrow it too. (I don't mind telling you that- I always said I'd keep it a secret for him, but since we're no more...).
  • A pair of knickers (clean), for if I stay (or rather, stayed) at the (ex-)boyfriend's. Sensible. Dates the last time I emptied this bag (over 9 months ago, but sshhh- don't tell anyone).
  • A packet of Olbas oil tissues- some have been used.
  • An apparently expensive concealer that came free with a £2 magazine. Will put with make up bits and pieces.
  • Another used bus ticket.
  • A scientific calculator that I have had for over 10 years. I'm proud (and pleased) to say that the batteries have never been replaced and still work perfectly. When the top is taken off, can quite clearly see my name tip-exed on as an anti-burglar deterrent. Must have worked because I still have it now. Outside is rather battered. Will reinstate on my desk and make use of.
  • My keys, all conveniently colour coded for the various different places and things that they do. Kept together with a red heart keyring. Imperative: I MUST NOT LOSE.
  • My purse (subject to change). Is currently a dark cream colour with a pink and violet floral pattern on one side. Contains various cards including my now expired university ID, train tickets, receipts, train timetables, stamps, some more used bus tickets, a bit of money, a bus pass, a lottery ticket that didn't win (major disappointment), a used cinema ticket and a hair band. Take action: decide to empty the rubbish and then put 11p of coppers into my holiday fund and 55p of silvers into it too (what a find, I think you'll agree!). Before long I suspect that my £'s will be worth much, much more in €'s, particularly if I keep making regular contributions of 66p or more.
  • My make-up bag. Contains: three different colour eyeliners and a highlighter liner, one eye shadow stick in lilac (because my eyes are green and this is supposed to enhance them), two mascaras- one waterproof and the other not, two different sorts of concealers, one under-eye brightener pen and an under-eye soothing balm, two lip glosses (seldom used), tinted moisturiser, foundation (stonkingly expensive but tremendously effective when used on special occasions), liquid blusher, tweezers (purchased in America for 99 cents almost 4 years ago- best tweezers in the world. Ever), two tampons and an earring container with two pairs of pretty studs that I haven't worn. Ever). How much of this do I actually use? Oh, I'd say about 3 products on a daily basis. Sometimes none, but sometimes as much as five. Though in my defence, the media made me think that I needed all this goop/ stuff/ make-up...
  • An 'all-in-one face base compact' (pressed powder) by the Body Shop, NOT in my make-up bag. Foolish, very foolish. Bought said product under false pretences. You see, the lady in the shop did one of those free makeover things and used this stuff. Looked really good, so parted ways with my hard-earned money. Could never replicate what the lady did, so the compact has spent a lot of time abandoned in the depths of my very nice bag. Unfortunately, my abandonment is catching up with me because one end of my bag is now coated in the stuff where the powder has broken (probably due to the fact that the bag that houses the compact has been dropped on many occasions on floors that range from carpeted, concreted, grassed, laminated and the floor of the bus- floor material unknown). Must now try to salvage my bag and dispose of the very nice (and expensive), yet unhelpful beauty product. Oh dear.
So, that's compartment 1.

I think, for all our sakes, I'm going to leave 2 and 3 for another day... I honestly truly didn't realise how much gumpf I insist on lugging around with me. Do I really need a broken pencil case in my bag? No. Do I really need so much make-up in my make-up bag? No. Do I really need all my keys colour co-ordinated? Actually, yes. I think I'll stop there.

Now, you must be wondering, are there any morals to this? Well, yes there are:
  • Always ensure that if you must travel around with underwear that they are AT ALL TIMES, clean. Alternatively, remove them sooner rather than later from your handbag because if you ever get stopped by the police and they have to go through your handbag, that's going to be a rather blush-worthy event.
  • I have evidence that the best anti-robber product on the market is rather cheap and easy to get hold of: Tip-ex all the way ladies and gents, tip-ex all the way.
So, until next time, farewell.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Mildred,
    I'm glad I'm male and can get all I need in my jeans pocket!
    Sorry but I think this is important... is it the original Tip-ex... really white but smells nasty or it is one of the newer health conscious watery ones that doesn't actually do anything other than make the page wet?
    Talking of which you havn't got one of the original marker pens kicking around in there at all - they smell fantastic!!!

    Seeya

    M

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  2. Hello Marty,
    The answer to your all important question is that it was the ORIGINAL Tip-ex! It has stood the test of time and is still as bright white as if it had just been applied! Somehow, though it might be a good idea to be able to pop all the handbag stuff into your jeans pockets, I don't think that it would be that good for me as I tend to wear fitted jeans and would end up with several bulges... ha!
    Mildred

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