Why oh why do I find myself (year after year), doing the obligatory what've-I-achieved-in-the-previous-year birthday analysis?

Is it just me, or do you guys do the same? Why do I punish myself every year? The parents are forever talking about what I should have achieved by now/ where they were in life when they were my age: "when we were your age Mildred, we'd already been married for over 4 years and" (this word can't be stressed enough) "we already had a baby". The thing is, though I might be their daughter, I'm really nothing like them. I don't like... I'm not... I don't... er...

Five minutes later and I'm trying to think of at least one thing that I don't like that the parents do to earn me a little bit of kudos/ street credibility. But the problem is the truth. I can't lie to you and say yes, I really loathe the fortnightly Scrabble evenings, because the truth of the matter is that I secretly enjoy them. As tragic as it may be, I think that I am a bit of a dork as I really like to hang out with Mum and Dad and all the other oldies that they know. Perhaps that stems from the big age gaps between the brothers and myself, but I find it hilarious being a fly on the wall.

Like when Mum is talking with her other 'we're-going-through-a-specific-time-in-life' transforming friends. But it's rather hilarious, because Mum and her friends often share a bottle of red... or white... or both and somehow, they always manage to involve me in the conversation as if I'M transitioning! When they ask how I manage with various symptoms I can really throw the answers out there: "oh, you know me... once it started I was anybodies... there was nothing Bill could do to prise the rolling pin/ stapler/ hole punch/ mop" (delete as applicable) "from me. Yep, it was a big one. Totally wiped me." (Or something like that). But what then happens is I get free advice on how to cope with the symptoms, but most importantly, how to cope with my long-suffering husband of thirty-five years- poor old Bill. (Often, he gets more sympathy than I do).

But anyway, I'm sorry. I seemed to go off on a bit of a tangent there. I was just trying to prove to myself that I'm unlike the parents, but honestly, there's no hiding the evidence: I'm their daughter.

Right, let's get back on track. So, it's that time of the year (well, in my personal calendar at least). That's right, it's Birthday Eve. The moment has now arrived when you start to scrutinise your life and look at what you've REALLY achieved in the last 365 days. This is the part that is much worse than the actual numerical change. You see, I don't mind getting older. What I do mind though, is finding that each year my birthday comes around, the amount of days in the year seems to decrease. Every year, just after my birthday, I create a list of goals that I should achieve in the following year. When I was emptying out my desk, I stumbled across my list from last year. I'm telling you now, it makes for sad reading...

Ask me now if I've achieved any of the items?

Ask me.

Have I?

No.

Of eleven objectives, I have achieved NONE. Oh demoralisation, let's set up a time and a place to meet properly as I think that I can be diagnosed as seriously demoralised. Here is the list of things that I have NOT achieved since last years birthday:

• I have not... won the lottery. Highly disappointing (as this is the reason I could not achieve my next objective).
• I have not... paid off the staggeringly large student loan that is accumulating a better interest rate than my savings account as we speak. Need to win the lottery to enable bulk payment. (When I say 'need to win the lottery', I'm not referring to the £10's that you get every now and again. I'm talking proper serious money, but no more than about £50,000 as that would be a bit greedy. 50K would allow me to pay off my loan, buy a trampoline and still have some cash to spare for Mum and Dad).
• I have not... penned the next piece of phenomenal literature that changes our lives. I have tried- unsuccessfully (evidently so, otherwise this would be crossed off the list).
• I have not... seen the Northern Lights. (Also categorised as 'Life Ambition', making this objective transferable).
• I have not... met the Queen. (Need to do sooner rather than later as she's not getting any younger and neither am I).
• I have not... fallen in love.
• I have not... worn something outrageous.
• I have not...guest starred in an episode of Friends or Sex and the City. Either or, I'm not fussed.
• I have not... discovered something deep and meaningful and rather philosophical.
• I have not... arranged a fabulous birthday party. Unfortunately, have left this one too late as it is now Birthday Eve and nothing is arranged. Inexcusable really, given that I've had well, a year, since the last date to get the RSVP's in.
• I have not... found a job. However, I have secured an interview at a garden centre. Ah, progress. 

As a point of contrast, here is the list of things that I have achieved that I sought to achieve:

As you can see, it's very short.

So, all in all, looks like I'll be transferring last years objectives to this year. I know things may not have turned out the way I'd have hoped, but it's okay. I'm happy. And secretly, I'm looking forward to the Cake Job (Birthday 'do) that I know Mum and Dad have organised for me.

And the Birthday Eve moral is?

• Do not (under any circumstances) analyse the previous year. It seldom yields good tidings.

Lastly, I am...
... highly excited at the prospect of turning 26 as I think (well, it's really more 'hope'), that this will be the year that my life starts to become a bit more exciting.