Gee, no one ever says how tricky writing your life story is... (except me, because I'm saying it now).

Hello there friends!

Apologies for my detainment. I have been- as you know, attempting to write my life story. Unfortunately, my attempts are not going well.

So, I've made a tactical evaluation and decided that a change of course is in order. No longer will 'The Life of Mildred, as lived by Mildred, as told by Mildred' be published in book form. No longer will 'The Life of Mildred, as lived by Mildred, as told by Mildred' be published in downloadable form. No longer will 'The Life of Mildred, as lived by Mildred, as told by Mildred' be published at all.

No no. It was too tricky and too time consuming, having to scavenge in the depths of my memory banks for something worth writing down. Plus, it was exhausting. So I've decided to switch to another avenue, for I will not let my time spent self-analysing have been time spent in vain. Nope, not at all. Because friends, I wanted you to be the first to know my new news.

I am writing a play instead! It's based on my life and will star... me, as Mildred, the main character. Well, she's actually the only character, so it should be rather interesting. My friend Sophie- (the florist), is helping me to co-direct, which is fun. Though at times, it is slightly demoralising, having to relive the same experiences over and over again.

I mean, take what happened to me a few weeks ago. (I didn't tell you about it, because I was a little bit embarrassed, but now that I'm going to be broadcasting it to the world, I may as well tell you). Basically, I got fired from a little job that my brother Scott found for me. If truth be told, I wasn't particularly bothered about losing that job- I didn't like the boss, I didn't like the staff, I didn't like the restaurant and I most definitely didn't like the food. Doesn't take much to realise why I was fired does it?

My first job was as a waitress when I was 13. Twelve years on and I'm back where I started. I suppose, my morale was at an all time low. What with turning up at the wrong garden centre for that notoriously disastrous interview, and now this... I'm rapidly realising that despite my degrees, I am becoming unemployable.

Did I tell you why I was fired?

No, I don't think I did.

Here in lies the problem. I was fired for being too honest.

Again.

You see, it's not the first time. But the problem is, I'm just not prepared to lie (even if I am being paid to do so). And this problem is further exacerbated by having a conscience that I can't control, which means I find it almost impossible to lie (almost, but not quite).

Anyway, that's my news- I am Mildred McManus the playwright.

Having made this decision, I thought: 'let's spice things up a little', so I'm going to debut my life story at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August. Crazy, or what?!