Introducing... Miss Mildred The Decorating- Builder

Hello everyone,

I am writing to you in the hope that you are well.

I am also writing to you with what I would describe as 'rather good news', as I have now found some employment.

Following my employing (as it were)- of Dave in Edinburgh, he has decided to return the favour and employ me. You see, by day, Dave is a builder/ renovator/ property maestro extraordinaire. By night, he is just Dave now. But he used to be my co-director and all round general assistant for Edinburgh.

Anyway, I am now in the employment of Dave at the house that he is renovating, in the capacity of 'decorating-builder'.

So far, I have clearance for the following (meaning I am now qualified in):

• electric drill usage
• regular drill usage
• hammer usage (despite missing the nail four times in a row and denting the wall...)
• electric sandpaper-tool-thingy (despite accidentally sanding myself...)
• the art of the paint brush
• the art of the roller
• ladder climbing (despite knocking the paint pot off with my foot on my descent. Luckily the lid was on. Dave does not know... Dave doesn't need to know... sshhhh!)
• filling holes with filler
• various other cool sounding things... but unfortunately I have forgotten what they are. What I can remember though, is that the insurance didn't cover me for saw usage. And to be honest, that's a bit of a relief as I'm really quite fond of all ten of my fingers.

To my general surprise, I am actually quite enjoying working on 'the site'- as 'the lads' call it, because there are no other women around. I left today, covered in dust and looking as though I'd aged forty years in an afternoon. But I don't mind. It's like dressing up! Except, not quite as clean. Although, I find it extraordinary how one minute I can look so old and grey and withered, and the next- with a little bit of nature's assistance- their finest water no less, I can wash away the grey and voila! Twenty-something Mildred is back in an instant. If only life were that simple.

Anyway, I'm going to go and wash the dust, spiders and goodness only knows what else out of my hair. Hopefully, next time I write to you I'll still have the correct amount of fingers and thumbs. But for now, my digits and I bid you farewell.