Oh deary me. My mind has gone on strike.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Hello.

I write to you today with a heavy load preoccupying my mind. I am afraid, my mind has gone on strike. You see, I am greatly concerned with this weather, and what it is doing to me. At long last, my orange tint has finally begun to subside, but I won't lie: I've moved on since that incident. I've got more serious things concerning me; namely the weather.

Not to be a misery-head, but when will it end? I don't think I can cope with much more sunlight, because we all know what sunlight does... that's right: it opens a can of worms. And once a can of worms has been opened, it's very hard to close it again because of the guilt issue. Who wants to be responsible for confining a worm family to life in a tin? Nobody. That's why I emptied my (metaphorical) tin into the compost heap- I thought it would be the opportunity of a lifetime; the chance for them to settle down and start afresh.

But anyway, look at me! What am I like? Talking about worms?! Oh dear Mildred, oh dear. But in my defence, the reason for this is two-fold:

1. My mind is a series of tangents at the moment because...
2. ... with increased sunlight levels comes increased bug levels. And bugs, ladies and gents, BITE.

I know this because I am harbouring twins. No, I am not pregnant. But yes, I have twins.

They are twin bites.
On my stomach.
Specifically on the belly button region.

They are not nice. They are bright pink and icky and I hate them. So by proxy, I hate all bugs and am in training sessions to see if I qualify to use the term 'bah-humbug' in the summer, because by secondary proxy, I intensely dislike the sun.

My bah-humbug-ness is becoming increasingly worse because I think that I am a bite magnet. It's like, all the crazy insects who get their highs from troubling people seem to be attracted to me. Yes, me, Mildred. Just as Father Christmas has a list that he checks twice to see if you're naughty or nice, I suspect that the Queen Bug has a list of names which is topped with mine. Superb (if you're the bugs that is). Oh cripes (if you're like me that is).

So you see, the twins are causing me jip and I blame the bugs. But most importantly, I would like to ask the meteorologists and weather people, where are the April showers?? If they don't return soon, I'm going to have to defect to a much chiller country. 

Anyway, I'm going to leave you here. I don't really have much left to say other than two very peculiar questions?

1. I saw a navy car yesterday evening and I got thinking: are navy cars a rarity? Is it just me, or do we seldom see them? Are they a cheap alternative to black cars? So when the car man says, 'what colour would you like Sir?' / 'Er, I think I'll have black or navy.' / 'Oh. Well, black cars cost an extra £500. Navy costs an extra £50.' / 'I don't think I need to think about it. I'll take it in navy please.'
2. I have had computer troubles lately and have been left to ask myself if technology is prematurely ageing us? The stress that my temperamental computer induced was evidently lining my face. Not good.

Well, all in all. It's a mixed batch. Yes, my orange sheen is receding. Unfortunately, I have become a bite magnet.

So, I would like to end this blog with one final thought.

• Embrace the sun while it lasts because I forecast rain, rain, rain. 

Until next time, I must love you and leave you.

Bye!