An honest opinion of my usual audience!

Hello friends! I write to you from a gloriously sunny spot in England... ahh, bliss. This blog really follows on from one I wrote just the other day- Yesterday, someone sat and snored throughout my concert.... To be honest, I'm still a bit miffed that the fella fell asleep. But it got me thinking. And then I got analysing.

I- Mildred McManus, have come up with a comprehensive review of the type of people that I usually get in my audience at a piano recital. I'm sure that many of you will know at least one of the following people  in the categories I have given them. But if you don't know anyone who displays these traits, rest assured that one day you will!

• This sort of person I know very, very well. In fact, I know this kind of person so well, I am even related to one of them (yes Gma, that means you). Gma (Grandma) is often the main perpetrator I know and can always be sure to make her voice heard. I call Gma and her cronies: the-loud-whisperer's-that-think-they're-talking-quietly-but-not-er's.
• This one is usually guaranteed to be a good audience member, because they have made the effort to be there nice and promptly. This type of person is called: the-early-bird.
• So, if everything has an opposite, the ying to the yang of the early bird is called: the-late-comer. But sometimes, it just can't be helped.
• This is my favourite category: the-drink-obtainer-and-loo-dasher, because aren't the two interconnected? Doesn't one cause the other?
• This category drives. Me. Mad. I just wish that: the-I'm-really-bored-looking-people-but-I'm-secretly-enjoying-myself-but-don't-want-to-let-you-know-that people would do just two things. One; smile, and two; clap. This- in my experience, is the sort of person who will applaud half-heartedly throughout your recital, usually without even exercising their facial muscles into a smile. And yet, your evening will end and apparently- miraculously, somehow, you have been the highlight of their week?! 
• This has happened to me only once. One day, a woman popped along to my recital. Ten minutes in, she proceeded to open a packet of crisps (aka chips) and then spent the next twenty-three minutes eating them loudly. After she'd finished, she placed the empty wrapper in her chair and then walked out in the middle of my recital. I call her: the-food-nosher.
• Lastly, we have: the-cougher-and-part-time-sneezer. Not nice, especially if you're in a small room...

So, here ends this blog. Next time you go to a concert, keep an eye out and maybe- just maybe, you'll be presently surprised! 

Mildred x