How to blend in when in London... by someone that didn't

Hello everyone, Mildred here!

I hope you've all had a fabulous week. I have had a stonkingly good one, (just in case you were wondering)!

On Wednesday, Dave and I ventured to London. Wednesday- you see, was the boyfriend's birthday (the real one, this time. Dave's fake birthday- as you probably know, was on Sunday last week).

Anyway, I was going to tell you before I got distracted with some small and trivial facts that, as a gift to Dave, I bought him a ticket to see the piece-de-resitance (said in a French accent, friends... pronounced pea-ess dir rez-east-ahnce... or something like that) of all things theatrical in the West End. Dave and I went to see the incredible Les Miserables- or as we like to call it, now that we've been: Les Miz. Sophisticated people. Nice.

What's this got to do with being a tourist in London?, I hear you ask. Well, it has everything to do with being a tourist in London. Because- dear friends, the remainder of this blog is devoted to advising you how to blend in with the indigenous Londoner's and locals. Basically- from the mistakes that Dave and I made, I am now fully qualified to dish out advice on what not to do if you want to look like you belong in this magnificent city.

So, the following pointer's I now bestow upon you are not necessarily foolproof... or guaranteed to work for that matter, but they are at least a step in the right direction in the efforts to make a rural country girl and boy into hip and trendy city dwellers:

1. Try not to wear your functional raincoat... even if it is actually raining. This says to the local that you are a tourist because you are far too sensibly dressed for a city that celebrates individual dressing. Instead, you should opt for a more fitted jacket- umbrella optional (applicable to both women and men). Alternatively, you just get soggy. Unfortunately, Dave is guilty of this offence.
2. Try not to loudly gasp in horror at the cost of The Tube/ Underground. This shows that you are out of touch. Dave and I couldn't bear to part with such a large sum of money to go just three stops, so we decided to embark on an adventure. That's right- we walked to the theatre. We walked to the theatre in the rain. We got lost once or twice, but we never had to...
3. ... ask for directions. Instead we used the special 'London walking signs'. By the looks of things, only tourists used these signs...
4. Never- and I repeat never, pull out a disposable camera and get snapping. If you must take pictures, a digital camera- of better yet; your mobile, are far more blendinable (... I know, I know, is that a word? Probably not... but it really should be). This time, I am guilty of the disposable camera display... I have no defence, other than I really wanted to use up the last 13 pictures. 
5. When you arrive at the theatre, don't pull out of your bag a pair of binoculars in a bid to save money. We were sat in the highest seating section and thought that we were being ingenious in taking our own bins. We weren't. We were highlighting our touristyness (... again, a non-word that should be a real word). But- I will be honest. When it came to actually using the binoculars in the theatre... we couldn't. We didn't. But we thought about it.
6. Lastly, when on the train home, sat amongst the London commuter's, best not rummage through your bag until you find your packed lunch. This definitely makes you look like a tourist. But by this point, Dave and I were past caring. We were tourists, we'd had a a good time and we were happy. Thank you London. We may not be cool (evidently), but we had a wonderful time together and wouldn't change a single second of the day... I wouldn't even change the fact that we got lost... three times. No no, because I was with the boyfriend, being a fellow explorer and having a jolly good time being a tourist. 

So that's that. I've just got to the end of this blog and I've realised: you know what? I don't mind being a tourist when I'm visiting somewhere for a special occasion. It made the day more memorable which- dear friends, leads me to conclude that I shall disregard my own advice and continue being a country girl in the big city.

Mx