And we thought Sunday's were our day-off...

...how wrong we were.

Friends, fellows, fellowees: hello! Hello and welcome to a fabulous musing by me, Mildred.

I write to you today, on what is commonly known as Sunday (which really, is a notion that's quite misleading in itself. I ask, is there sun today? I answer, no. So why is this day called Sunday? I mean, talk about false advertising on a massive scale! For this day to henceforth continue being known as Sunday, there ought to be sun in the sky on any days when the word 'sun' is stuck to them. Call me crazy, but I suddenly became aware that I need to be smiling all the time, because that's how I am on my poster. So surely- if I can be accused of false advertising by not smiling, by the same token, the English language creators need to give an explanation as to their lack of congruence between the day title and the facts?)

Anyway, enough of linguistic analysis! I promise you, that is not what I am here to write to you about. As far as yesterday was concerned it was relatively quiet- a fairly uneventful day. But that does not mean it wasn't interesting.

When I was in the dressing room before my show (AKA the changing rooms AKA the ladies loo's AKA the restroom, despite obtaining no rest in said room), I got changed into my stage outfit. After, I went to do my make-up at the huge mirror above a random wooden desk that is covered in red and orange pot-pourri that ceased to smell some time ago. This is my pre-show routine: get changed, do my make-up, do my hair, do a few vocal warm-ups and half-hearted stretches and then, mentally go through my play whilst sat on the floor outside the theatre. It's fairly standard practice...

But anyway, yesterday, I witnessed a major toilet incident- a rather embarrassing faux-pas on the part of an unknowing young lady. Unfortunately I can't give you as much detail as I'd like as I was lining my eyes at the time and thus, trying to avoid poking my eyeball. What I can tell you though, is that this young lady came bursting in through the main door into the dressing room and then turned left to enter a cubicle. As she pushed open the door, there came a rather startled and distressed scream as the cubicle was already occupied. In my shock at hearing this anguished scream, I dropped my eye liner, which then managed to mark my nose on it's descent to pot pourri head-quarters...

A few moments later, I took to the toilets myself and found, rather ironically, that I was locked in and couldn't get the blasted door open. I mean, talk about bad luck! Luckily, I was still dressed in my wellington boots and managed to hoick open the door (eventually). But I'm not going to lie... being locked in a windowless loo cubicle is not my idea of nerve-steadying calm ten minutes before my performance is due to start. In fact- between us, I felt a rather disconcerting pain in my chest when I tried to wrench the door down, but to no avail.

Happily, you will all be relived to know that this story has a happy ending. I emerged safely from the cubicle as a stronger person, having survived such a disconcerting moment- especially as Dave could not have saved me because he is a man and therefore, not allowed to rescue a damsel when in her greatest form of distress... trapped, between four walls in a rather questionable environment... the ladies' loo.

I later went on to have fun on the stage- so much so, I almost got the giggles at one point! Not good, not professional, but rather funny.

After, I went to see a magic show called the Manipulators. It was really quite intriguing, rather clever and funny too. Admittedly, I was waiting for the immortal magic words to be uttered: abra-ca-dabra, alla-ka-zee, but they never were. But, I found that this did not disappoint me because it made the magic seem- somehow, cleverer. I think they did something quite unique by managing to make magic for adults give you that same sense of wonderment that you had when a magician in a top hat and a wand gave you when you were a child. A very good show.

Well, I think that here is a good time to say goodbye. But before I do, I am going to leave you with a few parting incidents:

• this morning, when I was going through some paperwork at home, I found my phenomenally over-priced picture with the Thai Lady Boys of  Bangkok and me. Unfortunately, there is not so much of me left in the picture... my face has now been obscured by a piece of paper that got stuck to it as a consequence of the rain... oh well, it'll make an interesting story in my autobiography (one day...)!
• I was fortunate enough to see the delightful  Alan Palmer (of Fabulous Diva's of Hollywood) before his final show. I just wanted to say- Alan, it has been a privilege to meet you and I hope you have a safe flight back over the (rather large) pond.  For those of you who have not had the opportunity to meet Alan, the only way I can describe him is like sunshine in a bottle- you can't help but smile after chatting with him- especially in the Scottish rain. Dave and I will miss you.

I'll be in touch with you all soon. But for now, I am off to flyer. So much for a day-off...

Mildred