The good, the bad and the packed lunches

Whilst pondering what to write to you, I made some notes in my notebook about the last few days. Whilst doing so, I was nibbling on a biscuit that contained precisely 49 calories- no more, no less. 49... And I have to say, you can taste all 49 calories... Yum...

It's my fault really. When we were in the supermarket, Dave went to look at the t-shirts. Thinking that maybe- in the interests of saving time, it would be more productive if I went off in search of sustenance- I wound up in the biscuit aisle. By this point, I was already laden down with boxes of cereal and other carbohydrates (such as pasta- no less). They say- whoever 'they' is, it's not good to shop when you're hungry. Well, I happen to disagree with this statement. I would say, it's never good to shop when you're not hungry, because I then opted for healthy 'alternatives' we shall say. That, is how we ended up with cardboard biscuits, instead of something yummy and ever so slightly more calorific... Please accept my sincerest apologies Dave. In future, I will leave the biscuit selection to your discerning eye.

Anyway, whilst on the topic of food, did I tell you I have started to make packed lunches for Dave and myself? No, I don't think I did.

So. Every morning when Dave is in the bathroom, I nip into the kitchen and I make up two packed lunches. We have sandwiches that consist of some butter that is a bit solid, so ends up pulling the bread apart; lettuce, cucumber, mayonnaise and ham (or in Dave's case, ham and beef with a little kick of fire in the form of English mustard. Though my star sign might be Aries- and therefore a fiery sign, I am afraid that I do not share Dave's liking for the heat). I then add some low-calorie wheat-ish sort of crisp-things... What did I tell you... It's never good to shop when you're not hungry because you then go on a health spree and have to pay the price the next day for your- supposed, 'good intentions'. Of course, I then pop a yoghurt into the mix and the dastardly 49 calorie biscuits... Dave, is not a fan. And- for that matter, neither am I.

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So, I feel that the time has come for a Fringe round-up of the last few days.

The show continues to get better after every time- which gives us heart. But if I'm honest, the weather does not help audience numbers in the slightest. Dave and I have seen many well-known faces on the streets, flyering their shows like the rest of us, but they seem to be finding it just as hard as us. After all, we are only one of two and a half thousand shows out there. How are we supposed to stand out when we are against teams of fifteen or twenty, when there's just the two of us: a Dave and a Mildred? And apparently, this year, 37% of the programme is dedicated to comedy. That- I think you'll agree, is a whoppingly huge figure. People know what they want to see- and in these economically tricky times, it seems to be something to make them laugh and/or, free.

Anyway, onto more positive news. Dave and I promised the wonderful chap Chris Wolfe, that we would attend his show, as he came to see me in mine. Chris's show is called: Generation 9/11: So Far/ So Close and was stonkingly marvellous. It was very thought-provoking, but at the same time very insightful and carefully comedic.

Dave and I also saw Des O'Connor. Only, it wasn't the Des O'Connor. It was a young chap with a ukulele instead, not the older chap we were expecting to see. This other Des was on The Hamiltons: High Jinks with the Hamiltons, which was a rather interesting show! They have guests on their show who are featuring at the Fringe. We left that show with a new statistic- courtesy of Christine: did you know that the average show loses £12,000 at the Fringe? We didn't.

Anyway, onto any other business:

• Dave and I saw the man from the Harry Potter series that plays Filch, the care-taker. His hair is shorter in real-life.
• We went to a stand-up comedy workshop, where we considered a major life affirming career change, before opting against it.
• Dave spoke some pearls of wisdom today (metaphorically, not literally, because otherwise- if he did speak in pearls, we would be rich by now). He said: 'If  The Apprentice contestants think they've got it tough, they should try selling a show at the Edinburgh Fringe festival. Here we have 2500 other teams to compete with- not to mention all the other festivals that are happening here.' 
• Dave and I would just like to say a big hi-dee-hi to our wonderful friends back home who couldn't be here in Scotland. So, hello Elsa and Archie- hopefully the sun is shining where you are!

So, I am going to pop off now as I have realised that blog writing is a major form of procrastination that stops me from flyering the world. Until next time,

Mildred (and today, Dave)