Today I am going to share with you, news of my most recent outing- trust me, it's a good'un! It features me- Mildred, Dave- the boyfriend, Gma (AKA Grandma) and Gma's friend Betty. Funnily enough, it almost didn't feature Betty as she was actually Gma's second choice companion for the evening. Her first choice was actually (somewhat unbelievably), a fellow woman of the Mildred variety, but unfortunately Mildred Senior had to pull out at the last moment due to reason's I'd best not divulge... though I am thankful as that made writing this much easier.
Anyway, this year Dave and I decided to treat Gma and a plus one to a night out. After much deliberation we decided that this would make the best Christmas present as it fulfilled all of Gma's (fairly restrictive) criteria: NO chocolates or sweets; NO make-up, toiletries or perfume; NO food-substances; NO books; NO ornaments and clutter and definitely- under NO circumstances- gift vouchers.
Working within those rather specific guidelines, we opted for a trip to the theatre to see a show called "The Life and Time's of the Immortal Time-Traveller" (who's name I have forgotten, as every time he travelled through time he acquired a new name. I think his last name was Simon... yes, that sounds familiar... so let's say it was definitely Simon to avoid any confusion).
We arrived at the theatre in good time, which was just as well as Dave and I had booked tickets for the balcony. The ascent of the 105 stairs took some time as both Gma and Betty are part of the HR club (Hip Replacement club), but they soldiered on until they had both conquered their Everest and were seated comfortably. At this point, Dave and I were falling behind, what with the stress of making sure that Gma and Betty remained vertical and- at no point on our watch- horizontal. It was only when we reached the top that we realised that there was actually a lift (but at no point did we mention this to Gma and Betty)...
During the interval, Dave and I decided to splash out on the over-priced baby-pot sized tubs of ice cream. I say splash out, but what I really mean is, treat Gma and Betty to one each, because at £3 they were a little steep for us. Not that long ago Dave and I were both students, and I can tell you- once a student, always a student. Frugalness is a very tricky trait to shift; believe me I've tried. But as Gma and Betty are both part of that other club- you know- the big one: the OAP group, we decided to treat them. Both of them opted for 'Rum and Raisin', though I'm not sure that that was one of their finer decisions as it seemed to both Dave and myself that those tubs had been lost to the depths of the freezer for some time and consisted of mostly- well, rum. They certainly seemed a lot chirpier after those!
Just before the second half, we bought a pair of binoculars. Then, I did something I haven't done in quite some time: I indulged in a youthful past-time of mine (although it wasn't quite the same without my old friend Dee-Dee to share the sightings with). I did a spot of people-watching.
There's nothing quite like it! Watching people graze on their miniature ice-creams with the silly plastic spoon's; watching people talking animatedly; watching the rich people in the private boxes watching everyone else; watching people be people and do people things like, attempting to have a rummage in the nasal area when they think that no-one is looking... but they didn't count on Mildred (minus a Dee-Dee), did they? No sirree. People watching is basically, Big Brother... only live. Great fun! Until it gets a bit boring.
As I was people-watching, Dave was Mildred-watching and suggested that I should become a spy. I was so excited at this, I almost flew off the balcony but luckily- Dave is a good boyfriend and rescued me from my (almost) impending flight. I turned to him and I said: "The name's McManus- Mildred McManus. Double oh seventeen at your service." Immediately Dave changed his mind: apparently I'd make a rubbish spy after all.
The rest of the show passed without event and ended with rapturous applause- with the main source of the volume emanating from Gma and Betty in a rum-fuelled-clapping-appreciatively-frenzy. Know how I know that? Because their feet started clapping on the floor, as well as their hands AND, Gma and Betty started 'wooping' and 'bravo-ing'. Dave and I on the other hand were a little more sedate in our applause. If only we'd had some rum...
Eventually we got Gma and Betty to their respective home's in one piece, but only after a little bit of drama our end. We almost missed the last train, but luckily we had a taxi driver who didn't know what red lights on the traffic lights were and cruised on by them. I felt like I was in a high-speed pursuit! I think Dave did too as he was sat 'up-front' whilst I was sandwiched between our ladies in the back seat. But the most important line I'm missing out is Dave's.
He hurried to the taxi driver and knocked on his window. It opened a creek and Dave asked him: "'Excuse me mate, what are the chances of making the quarter to?" The taxi driver looked at the clock on the dash: it read 22:34. Then he looked at our older passengers- not realising that they were rum-fuelled and therefore very sprightly, before turning back to Dave; "They're not good, but I can try."
And try he did as we made the train and we all lived happily ever after. No, wait... that's a different story!
But until next time,
THE END.
Mx
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