Hello once again dear friends!
Are you sitting comfortably? You see, I have much to tell you. Try as I might not to ramble, I can’t omit too much from what I need to tell you without leaving out the story, otherwise my blog would read:
Hello once again dear friends!
…..
The end.
I think you’ll all agree, that doesn’t make for interesting reading in the slightest. So, it is with that, that I have concluded that a little bit of waffle receives the thumbs up.
Having established that, I shall now begin.
In this blog I’m going to bring you up to speed with my life as it stands at the moment (or rather, as it sits at the moment as I am currently sat writing to you, not stood up). Since I last wrote to you (not including yesterday), the following has happened:
· I have finished my stint as a builder with- thank goodness, all ten fingers and toes still in situ.
· I have taken up employment at my brother Scott’s garage temporarily until they can find a suitable candidate to fill the void vacancy. Their last receptionist abandoned the car trade in favour of sunnier climes: the lorry world. So I was brought in at the last minute, having earned my wings or stripes (or whatever it is that you earn) as a consequence of driving to Scotland and back in a Ford Ka. Apparently, that’s a right-of-passage into the car world, which I thought was rather cool- because, I’ll be honest- I have never once been described as cool… until now! Although, that could just have been Scott making things up… Hey-ho: I’m cool!
· I have recently started dating my best friend Dave (who I’ve known for what feels like a zillion years). I am very happy. This follows on from our great Scottish adventure. He wrote me a poem you see. Some people might describe it as romantic, others less so. It’s quite sweet, so I’ll stick it at the end of my blog for you to read (in case you’re interested that is).
· I have recently been engaged to Dave for all of ten minutes, courtesy of Scott. Thank you brother dearest (note the sarcasm if you’re reading, Scott!).
We were attending Mum and Dad’s annual Christmas Jumper Party, when this startling revelation was made. Dave was talking with Grandma- or rather, Dave was listening to Grandma talking- as so often is the case. Meanwhile, I was chatting with Scott and the other guys from the garage- Harry, Lance and Louis when Scott unexpectedly announced that they were looking forward to hearing news of mine and Dave’s engagement. I was totally baffled and asked him how much beer he’d consumed.
Ignoring me, he says: “come on Mils, everyone knows that Dave’s going to pop the question on Christmas day. It’s just so obvious. I mean, like I’ve just said- everyone knows.” I looked at him and the guys then slowly raised just one eyebrow. “Who’s everyone?” I asked, to which he replied: “oh, you know… me” [sip of drink] “the lads” [slightly larger sip of drink] “mother” [finished drink off]. I smiled serenely and walked over to Mum who was chatting with Julia (my godmother) and proceeded to explain that there would be no wedding as there was no engagement.
Momentarily, Mum acted as though I were talking gibberish before casting a scathing look at Scott. “What?!” he said, “I couldn’t help it Mum- I’m just so excited my baby sister’s getting married!” At this, various stander-abouter’s start to congratulate me and Dave- with the exception of Dad. Dad takes poor bewildered Dave aside and asks why he hadn’t asked my father’s permission to marry me, considering he’d asked my father’s permission to help cook Christmas dinner. Before Dave could explain, Dad started going on about priorities and stuff- all the while, I’m being congratulated at being ‘off the shelf at last’…
Eventually, Scott had to stand on a chair and announce that our engagement was a non-engagement. This meant that the congratulations quickly turned to commiserations from everyone except Grandma. This- dear friends, is how rumours start!
· I have- since Christmas, acquired a major aversion to stuffing. No other food- just stuffing. I can no longer eat it.
· I have not had my lifetime ban in the kitchen lifted this year. Dad kindly explained that: “it’s called a lifetime ban Mildred, because it lasts for life.” I asked him if he and the jury (better known as Mum and Dad) would reconsider. I received a very short answer: “no.” Honestly, you make one mistake and everyone forever holds it against you.
Did I mean to set the turkey on fire? No.
Did I intend for what became a ‘turkey-fireball’ to fall out of its tray and burn a hole into the kitchen lino? No.
Did I apologise? Yes, profusely… though I don’t think it was accepted as I began my apology with the classic ‘it’s not fault, but…’ opener. That- ladies and gentlemen, was six years ago now and the jury just will not relent and reconsider my punishment, but at least they can laugh about it now. It’s a story that has gone down as McManus folklore and will one day become the stuff of legends (at least the way I tell it will).
· I spent New Year’s Eve with a bunch of strangers- three of which trod on my foot and one managed to wallop my shoulder with a bit of flamboyant dancing. Of course, aside from the strangers that made up 99% of the venue, I celebrated the start of 2012 with four renditions of Auld Lang’s Syne (honestly DJ, what went wrong?), with the boyfriend Dave, his brother Chris and Chris’s girlfriend Stephanie. All in all, jolly good fun.
So, this takes us right up until the present moment where I am currently attempting to stick to my New Year's resolutions. I look forward to catching up with you this year and leave you today with my charming poem from Dave:
Dave’s poem for Mildred
Oh Mildred, Mildred, where is my Mildred? I miss her, my bright purple lid. Neither one of us are any longer a kid, which is just as well as we’re not baby goats.
Oh Mildred, Mildred, where is my Mildred? Ever since I saw you in August in your wet-weather gear, I was as smitten as a kitten. So won’t you let me be your Dave?
Oh Mildred, Mildred, where is my Mildred? Say yes to a date or three, as I’d really like to take you for tea. In the words of Mark Darcy to Bridget, ‘I like you just as you are.’
Mildred, I like you just as you are, however near or far. You’re my best friend, but for now I’ve reached the end. I’ll be your 'Davdred' to your 'Mildred', so let’s write our own story from the beginning.
The end (for real this time).
Until next time,
Mildred x
No comments:
Post a Comment